There have been many interviews on TFI Friday. The one that has been most enjoyable for me, was the Noel Gallagher interview. This is a transcript of the interview (broadcast on Good Friday, 1996).

Note - I have sampled parts of this interview (as WAV files). The sampled parts are highlighted.

Noel : Chris?
Chris : Yes Dear?
N : How are we?
C : I'm very well. How are you?
N : I'm fine.
C : You don't know what a thrill it was to see you walking down my road then, into my house.
N : I've just actually been casing the joint. Apparently I'm good at that. Alledgedly!
C : Well moving right on! I wasn't going to ask you about that, but it's in all the papers today. Apparently you admitted to doing a bit of robbing when you were a little lad in Manchester.
N : I've done my time. I've been nicked for all my crimes.
C : Yes?
N : Yes.
C : Is it true the police have started to re-investigate the crimes?
N : No comment.
C : OK. Good lad. Keeping the lips tightly sealed there. Do you know that could have been you strolling from your house to mine, couldn't it?
N : No comment.
C : See, I thought you didn't want me to mention that.
N : I didn't want to mention that you've got a mirrored ceiling in your bedroom, but never mind!
C : See, the sad truth is it's true! Cos I was going to ask you, what's your favourite part of my house? Is that it, the mirrored ceiling?
N : Absolutely.
C : OK. All right!
N : It's the actual Chris Evans, actual Chris Evans shaped mirror in the bathroom, that you look in every morning and go "That's the shape of my head!"
C : No! It's right, and it's that big as well, which is really sad.
N : It's actually bigger than that folks.
C : Is it true that, Noel Gallagher, you are the king of the world of pop, because a wall once fell on your foot?
N : Yes, it wasn't a wall, it was a piece of a gas main. I can go into technical terms here if you like.
C : Yeah!
N : Well it was the end of a gas main, which is called a cap. It fell onto my foot **Places foot on desk. Points to it.** Just get the Gucci fucking shoes in there.
**Noel covers mouth. Chris shakes head.**
Erm yeah.
C : Yeah, cus what happened you were working on the building site, then when that happened, you couldn't get around any more, so they put you in this little hut.
N : In this little hut, yes.
C : What happened in the hut? What was the hut for?
N : The hut was to give out nuts and bolts to labourers, and they used to come and ask for nuts and bolts, and I used to give them nuts and bolts. But not many people used to come in and ask for nuts and bolts so I used to sit there with my acoustic guitar and write songs.
C : In the hut?
N : In the hut!
**Audience : Aaaaaah.**
C : And is it true that four of the songs on the first album were written in that hut?
N : Yes.
C : That's fantastic. Which songs were they?
N : Erm, it was Cheese & Tomato, Anchovies & Pineapple, because it was a Pizza Hut!
C : Wa - haay!
N : Ey, I'm good at this.
C : I thank you!
N : I think Live Forever, erm, Columbia. I don't know what the other two were.
C : But in that hut?
N : In that hut!
C : What colour were the walls?
N : It was called the hit hut!
C : Was it?
N : What colour were the walls? Gold of course!
C : Oh of course they were.
N : Or platinum even!
C : That's what kept ya going.
N : Or double platinum even!
C : Is it harder to write songs, now that your foots not hurting so much, and you're not hungry anymore?
N : Yes it is actually.
C : Is it?
N : It's getting quite difficult now.
C : Seriously it is? It must be, mustn't it?
N : Yeah. Because I have to write better ones than I've already written, and I've written some good songs.
C : Well I know that. Inspirations lacking now? You're flying on a jet plane. You've got money in your pocket. You've got a nice chocolate brown coloured Rolls Royce.
N : I have indeed, yes. Inspiration is lacking, but I just revert to writing songs about burgling houses. Allegedly.
C : Or moving in close to me, allegedly!
N : Allegedly.
C : Oh yes, moving close to Chris.
N : Allegedly, yes.
C : Well that'd be quite nice wouldn't it? But I've heard you're writing a song called My Big Mouth.
N : Yes. No, it's My Big Mouth, not your big mouth.
C : You're into that one at the moment. What's the other one you're into at the moment?
N : It's called I hope, I think, I know.
C : You've been rehearsing these.
N : I have indeed. They're finished.
C : Are they completely orchestrated, arranged, or is it just you and your guitar? The melody there.
N : My Big Mouth is completely finsished. I hope, I think, I know is finished.
C : I hope, I think, I know.
N : I hope, I think, I know needs a little work here and there, and then that's done, and there's a few others mulling about.
C : Guitar over there. **Points**
N : I know Chris!
**Audience : Go on Noel!**
C : Up to you. Up to you.
N : Can I say, there is not enough money in this street that would make me play to you any of my new songs. It will cost you 50 grand. Unless you've got it, or a sup of your tea, **Coin lands on desk. Noel picks it up.** That's not even 50 pence mate.
C : That's 20p. Who was that?
N : I'll tell you what right.
C : It was Gaby Roslin!
N : Heads we play 'em, talis we don't.
**Audience : Cheering. Noel flips coin.**
C : Heads we play 'em, tails we don't.
N : Is that what I said?
C : It's heads, it's heads!
**Audience : Cheering. Noel looks saddened.**
C : A little bit.
N : **To camera.** It was tails! **To audience.** Er, no, excuse me, it was tails. Never trust a man, never trust a man whose got a mirror in the shape of his own head!
C : A rift of My Big Mouth. The rift? A chord?
**Audience : Cheering.**
N : You got a plectrum?
C : Aaaaw.
N : Aaaaagh!
**Man in crowd : Pussy!**
N : No. Can't do 'em without a plectrum, see?
C : Fair enough. Alright I won't argue with you anymore. You know the Brits?
N : Yes.
**Man in crowd : Aaaaw!**
C : **To man in crowd.** Was that a disappointment?
N : **To man in crowd.** Well let's hear one of your songs then!
C : **Laughing.** That was a bit confrontational wasn't it.
N : Well you know...
C : It's fair enough I suppose. As far as the Brits are concerned, it it true you said to someone that there was a threat made to you that not playing live at the Brits might hinder your career? Is that true?
N : Yeah. Twice in two years actually.
C : What actually happened then?
N : Erm, the first year, we didn't particularly wanna play, and they said, "Well this could harm your career," and I'd just like to say to the person who said that...
C : Don't swear!
N : I'm ... gutted, and the second year was the one just gone. We said we'd play outside for the people on the street, and they said, "Oooh, you can't do that, oooh no, you can't do that you see, because that'd be taking away from the vibe of the show," so we said OK then, we won't do it then. Without swearing, that's what we said! And then they said, "They're just tyring to sustain their street credibility."
C : Do you think the Brits are a sham?
N : I think every time you presented it, it's been terrible!
C : Do you think the awards themselves are a sham?
N : I think that, er, er, I'll just get into my little thing here. Any awards presented by the kids on the street, God bless you all, is important. Any one that's presented by people in pony tails and suits, corporate, you know, we're not particularly interested in, but the reason we went, was because, if we didn't go it would be, we had to be there to, well basically to swear on TV.
C : And they eventually, they played that version where you did.
N : Yes.
C : OK. Were you aware that the organisers of the Brits comdemned Jarvis for what he did during the Jackson number?
N : Jarvis Cocker, I must say this, Jarvis Cocker is a star, and he should be given an MBE.
**Audience : Cheering.**
Because for Michael Jackson to come over to this country after what's all gone on, and I think we all know what we're talking about here, and dress in a white robe right, thinking he's the Messiah. I mean, who does he think he is? Me? That is out of order. The only reason I didn't dress in a white robe, is because my mother couldn't get the wool from the shop in time. Next year...
C : Next year! You in a white robe...
N : Next year, we've got the paper mache cross...
C : Would you go next year?
N : Pardon?
C : Would you go next year?
N : I probably won't get nominated next year.
C : Would you go if you were?
N : Are you going?
C : I'm not going to go ever again.
N : Well I'm not going if you're not going.
C : Er, how's Liam?
N : **Pause.** Big headed!
C : Is it true that he's said, er, "He's always wanted to be me? He always has, it's just the way..."
N : Course he's always wanted to be me.
C : Have you ever wanted to be him ever? Not once, for just one second?
N : Erm, **Pause.** I actually did for one second.
C : Anything to do with Patsy Kensit, no?
N : Ha ha ha.
C : What was the one second you wanted to be Liam?
N : I mean it was so incidental, I can't even remember it!
C : Alright, but it was one second.
N : It was one second. **Clicks fingers.** It came and it went. Just like that!
C : Do you need each other professionally?
N : I don't need anybody.
C : Really?
N : No, see what I need, I need my guitar and my imagination, and people like you to plug my records, Chris! **Kisses Chris's hand.**
C : And that unfortunately is my guitar and you won't play it.
N : I know.
C : Aaaaw.
N : But it wasn't heads, was it?
C : It was heads, you know it was bloomin heads. In the kitchen, you'll say I know it was.
N : Er, oh yes, well maybe.
C : Maybe, are you gonna be the one that saves me, and after all, you're my Wonderwall.
N : I like that!
C : Do you?
N : I admire that!
C : Cool!. Now listen, I'm very grateful you came on the show today, cos you flew back from abroad this afternoon, the plane was late, you got here 45 minutes after the plane youched down at Heathrow. Got a little treat for you, yeah. The best three City goals scored this season just for you. Here you go.
**Plays video clip. Noel bows down to TV.**
C : We're running massively over, but I've got to ask you two questions quickly. First of all, prediction for tomorrow, Man United V City. Prediction and score please.
N : We are gonna wipe them floor with 'em!
C : Score?
N : Three Nil!
C : And also, are you going to sponsor the shirts next year? Is that true?
N : Well it was an idea that was brought to us by Man City and it was gonna happen until all the lawyers and all the rest...
C : Is it gonna happen? Yes or no?
N : Hopefully it will, I can't say one way or the other.
C : All right. Now we gotta go.
N : Thank you very much.
C : **Produces plectrum.** Plectrum!
N : **Laughs and covers face.** Oh.
C : We may have to go off the air now. I'm going to try and get Noel to play this guitar. If we go off the air at 7 O'clock, stay tuned, because on the repeat, he might be playing this guitar. Thanks very much for watching. This has been TFI Friday for Good Friday.
N : **Covering camera.**Fifty grand, fifty grand!
C : He may well pick the guitar up and play. If you don't play in five seconds, we won't even be on the damn air anymore.
N : That's alright. There's no point in doing it then.
C : Aaaaaw! Noel Gallagher anyway!
N : Thank you!
**Audience : Applause.**
C : OK. From the best, we'll leave you with a fantastic bit of music, never been seen on television before. From your gig at Earl's Court this is exclusive footage of Champagne Supernova. This is the four minute version but if you tune in tonight, you'll get the full 9 minutes.
N : **Reading off a card.** Have a rocking easter everyone!
C : I wasn't going to say that. I wasn't going to say that!
N : Well it says it there!